In the words of Sam McTrusty, “Music is my therapy, I can listen to it all night long”
Music has helped me a lot. Music keeps me sane, and music like it does with many people, it makes me feel things. It makes me feel things that I didn’t know I could feel over a song.
If you are unaware of my mental health then, I do have a post over on my second blog about it.
Bands have been the one consistent thing in my life, now, I personally, have no musical talent apart from the fact that surprisingly I can write songs, which I actually do quite a bit. But, I listen to music a lottttt. Like I carry my earphones everywhere because ya girl likes to listen to music.
If a situation is getting too much, I’ll put some music on. If I feel happy, I’ll put some music on. If I feel sad, I’ll put some music one. Angry? Yup. Anxious? Yup. I have music for every mood I feel. I know that there’s a lot of music that I can go to if I’m in a certain mood, and sometimes if someone feels low, or happy I’ll throw a song their way and tell them to listen to it to compliment their mood.
But music has played such a big role in helping my mental health. I don’t want to get into it too much, as I do have another post about my mental health but I’ve got my issues and I self-harm. And sometimes, I can’t help but listen to music to escape from the crap going on in my head. My head isn’t the best place in the world, but it’s mine.
A lot of bands have helped with my mental health and keeping me stable at points, but the three bands that have done that the most are Twin Atlantic, Deaf Havana and The Mocking Jays. So I’m going to go through all three bands and I’m going to say why and how. And what songs have impacted me the most.
Twin Atlantic are my joint-favourite band, if you know me then you know that. You know that my God is Sam McTrusty, and that man could make random noises and record it, release it and I’d buy it and worship it. I have seen Twin Atlantic live twice, and it will forever be two of the best moments of my life. At them shows, I felt happy. I felt like the weight of my problems was no longer sitting on my shoulders. I felt like I could breathe.
Twin Atlantic have been the soundtrack to many of my sad days, and many of my happy days. They do have some random songs, but if you listen to more than two tracks, you probably know they also have a lot more hard-hitting songs. Whenever I’m having a bad day Amber sends me photos of Twin to make me smile, and if I’m having a low day I can put their music on and smile, because have you heard Sam McTrusty sing? But there are songs like Whispers, Oceans, Crash Land, A Scar To Hide (and more) and these songs hit places. Rest In Pieces always hits me hard. A lot of people don’t understand my moods and I think the opening line of Rest In Pieces explains it. “I feel high when I hit a low”. When I’m trapped in my own head, I can full my ears with Twin Atlantic, I can listen to them and escape. Twin Atlantic have helped me get over a lot of things that have happened, and they’ve also made bad memories good memories.
Songs That Have Impacted Me The Most:
- Time For You To Stand Up
- Rest In Pieces
- A Scar To Hide
- Yes, I Was Drunk
- Lost Ones
Deaf Havana are one of my favourite bands, and I did have the pleasure of seeing them live. They were great, and that moment I felt happy. I didn’t care about my anxiety, about how ill I felt, how much I wanted to hurt myself because I was seeing Deaf Havana live. It’s very similar to Twin Atlantic.
Whenever I feel low I tend to put on Speeding Cars, and that is just something that has sat with me for 4 and a half years now. Always been the same. I always listen to Speeding Cars when I feel low, because that song is something I hang onto. I cried when I heard it live. It’s a song that hits me where it shouldn’t, but it gives me a lot of strength. It’s a song that I can relate to, and it’s something that has supported me on my down days and when I’ve contemplated what the point of my life is. I wouldn’t say it saved my life, but it gave me the strength to pull myself back from the edge and gain back a little bit of control when it comes to my life and what’s going on. They do have other songs that hit me, and mean a lot to me, such as Pensacola, 2013 and Happiness.
Songs That Have Impacted Me The Most:
- Speeding Cars
- Pensacola, 2013
- The World Or Nothing
- Right Now, I’m Anyone’s
The Mocking Jays
The Mocking Jays are my joint-favourite band, if you know me then you know how much I love this band. You know that there’s that video of Kiss My Neck and that always makes me smile no matter how low I’m feeling. I’ve met them all, and I’ve met Jay and Lewis twice. This band is the definition of happiness. I’m going to go way too deep here, but if I’m being all honest and laying everything out, then there have been times when I’ve been ready to cut myself and Spotify hates me so it’ll put on one of their songs (if it’s on shuffle) and if Amber has picked up signs of what I’m going to do, she’ll throw the whole “This one’s for Grace” in my face, and that band is responsible for the fact that I’ve managed to stay clean before, I’m not here to talk about relapse, but sometimes it’s just taken say for instance Take You Home coming on, and I’ve just dropped everything and I’ve just pulled myself away from that edge. I know that I will see them again and I cling to that a lot. I can physically afford to go to their shows, and I want to, I go to their shows and I feel happy. I feel like my life isn’t so bad. I feel like I can breathe and I feel like things will get better.
The Mocking Jays mean a lot to me, and I’m not too sure why. They’re some of the loveliest people I’ve ever met. I will say that the video of Kiss My Neck certainly helps, I’m not saying it does the entire job, but it does work. That video takes me back to a place where I was overcoming an episode, where I was feeling more myself, where I didn’t feel so vulnerable. I mean come on, if this band didn’t make an impact on me, would I really be contemplating getting a TMJ tattoo? I’m not going into that right now, that’s something that does actually have a super big reason behind it, and it’s something that is TMJ but if you didn’t know it was then you wouldn’t think it was band related. But that’s something totally different.
I remember when I last met Jay and Lewis, Lewis told me never to let a scumbag guy get me down, and I cling to that. Whenever I feel sad, and I realise that it’s because of a guy I think of the fact Lewis said that, and I try and stop myself feeling like that.
Whenever I get anxious I start singing Kiss My Neck, not because I love the song but because I know the words off the top of my head and the opening line says it all “Oh man, here we go again”. Although, but of unneeded information, my friend messaged Jay the other day and she tried to say I was fangirling when really I was sat in a heap on the floor having a panic attack because the entire situation made me feel really weird, so I was sat having a panic attack humming KMN and talking to **** watching my anxiety overtake me. That was horrible for me, I don’t know what it was about the situation but there was something, and to be fair, I did calm myself down with the humming and talking to said person. I honestly cannot begin to explain what that band has done for my mental health. My mental health has still been a mess but for a band to pull me back from that edge (not the edge of your knife) more than once though, says a lot.
Songs That Have Impacted Me The Most:
- Kiss My Neck
- Edge Of You Knife
- Close To You
- Grit My Teeth
- Sex On The Beach